Geoffrey Line

McSweeney's Internet Tendency • 28th June 2024

Gandalf Must Step Aside and Let a Younger Hero Save Us from Sauron Lest We Lose this Middle-earth

"We are grateful, Gandalf, for all that you have done for Middle-earth over the ages... We simply must find a younger savior if we are to keep Sauron at bay."

Points in Case • 1st September 2022

I Am the Little Orange Man from Google Maps and I Would Appreciate It If You Stopped Dropping Me from 2 Million Feet in the Sky

If you’re wondering, in the moment you wait for me to land in Street View, I howl through the mesosphere, engulfed in flame.

BULL • 18th August 2021

Urchin vs. Televangelist

I am coming to your city to save you, said the handsome man on the TV. He wagged his finger at the camera, at Gabriel and his corpulent mother fused to the pleather couch, and he said to them that he was coming to their city to save their souls. Mark the date!

Weekly Humorist • 1st January 2021

Welcome to the Zuckerberg Mansion Audio Tour

To your right - Mr. Zuckerberg's Rage Room, containing the busts of ancient Greek philosophers, which, much like democracy, he destroyed.

Points in Case • 6th May 2020

Anthony Lane Reviews Life During COVID

The Current Cinema: The Zoom Call, Furloughed Guy, Papa John's No Contact Delivery & Blame Bill Gates

NPR's On Point • 18th December 2019

'The Afghanistan Papers': War Revelations From The Washington Post

The Washington Post’s massive investigation that U.S. officials misled the public about the Afghanistan War for almost 20 years. We talk with one of those same officials on what they said then, and what they think now.

Points in Case • 1st December 2019

Quotes from Arthur Miller’s “Death of an Influencer”

"Pop, I have no platform! I have no platform, Pop! Can't you understand?"

Little Old Lady Comedy • 17th September 2019

Mom And Dad Give The Sex Talk At The Outback Steakhouse

Now, when a Sheila and a Bloke love each other…

The Boston Globe • 16th September 2019

Harvard student’s suicide prompts concern about mental health care on college campuses

The New England Center for Investigative Reporting is based out of WGBH News. Boston Globe Reporter Todd Wallack and students from Boston University’s investigative reporting clinic contributed to this report.

Slackjaw • 15th September 2019

Everything I’m About To Tell You About My Craigslist Roommate Is True

He has a snake. He keeps a dead mouse in the freezer, for his snake. The snake has not eaten in three months. I have a cat.

Little Old Lady Comedy • 18th June 2019

My Grandma’s New Hexagon Quilt Just Dropped And The Embroidery Is Lit AF

After eighty-nine years, five kids, two C-sections, one kidney transplant, nine grandchildren, three great-granddaughters, and two titanium hips, Queen G has graced us with her boldest creation yet—just when the internet wasn’t looking.

Slackjaw • 4th June 2019

Make Epcot Great Again

My fellow Floridians...I'm here today as your Commander in Chief, wearing one of these wonderful MAGA Mouse Ear Hats, because it's time to put an end to the globalist World Showcase conspiracy.

Slackjaw • 27th May 2019

D.A.R.E. Teaches Hobbits to Say ‘No’ to Smoking Leaf

You’ve heard your friends talk about him before. He goes by many names: Mithrandir, Incánus, Tharkûn, the quote unquote “Grey Pilgrim,” the so-called “White Wizard.”

The Barcelona Review of Contemporary Fiction • 14th April 2019

The (Model UN) Security Council

A satire and tribute to DFW, on one of the web's first literary magazines, where he and Saunders, Bolano, Ben Marcus, Simon Rich and others published their fiction.

Boston University News Service • 13th October 2018

Aerial Research: Drones used to study whales

Traditional whale research involves invasive and costly tracking devices. That's why Iain Kerr from Ocean Alliance decided to use drones. His remote-controlled SnotBot is changing the way marine biologists conduct research. He discussed the emerging technology at HUBweek's Aerial Futures: The Drone Frontier.