Geoffrey Line

Writing. Editing. Storytelling.

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Points in Case • 7th October 2024

Google Maps Directions for a Parent with a Screaming Baby in the Backseat

In 500 feet, sing “If You’re Happy and You Know It” over your child’s piercing cries. In 2 miles, realize you were too tired to notice the irony of your song choice over your child’s piercing cries.
McSweeney's Internet Tendency • 28th June 2024

Gandalf Must Step Aside and Let a Younger Hero Save Us from Sauron Lest We Lose this Middle-earth

"We are grateful, Gandalf, for all that you have done for Middle-earth over the ages... We simply must find a younger savior if we are to keep Sauron at bay."
Points in Case • 1st September 2022

I Am the Little Orange Man from Google Maps and I Would Appreciate It If You Stopped Dropping Me from 2 Million Feet in the Sky

If you’re wondering, in the moment you wait for me to land in Street View, I howl through the mesosphere, engulfed in flame.
BULL • 18th August 2021

Urchin vs. Televangelist

I am coming to your city to save you, said the handsome man on the TV. He wagged his finger at the camera, at Gabriel and his corpulent mother fused to the pleather couch, and he said to them that he was coming to their city to save their souls. Mark the date!
The Malahat Review • 1st August 2021

Mother-Son Dance

The Malahat Review, established in 1967, is among Canada's leading literary journals. Published quarterly, it features contemporary Canadian and international works of poetry, fiction, and creative nonfiction as well as reviews of recently published Canadian poetry, fiction, and literary nonfiction.
Little Old Lady Comedy • 18th June 2019

My Grandma’s New Hexagon Quilt Just Dropped And The Embroidery Is Lit AF

After eighty-nine years, five kids, two C-sections, one kidney transplant, nine grandchildren, three great-granddaughters, and two titanium hips, Queen G has graced us with her boldest creation yet—just when the internet wasn’t looking.
The Barcelona Review of Contemporary Fiction • 14th April 2019

The (Model UN) Security Council

A satire and tribute to DFW, on one of the web's first literary magazines, where he and Saunders, Bolano, Ben Marcus, Simon Rich and others published their fiction.
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