Geoffrey Line

Points in Case • 1st September 2022

I Am the Little Orange Man from Google Maps and I Would Appreciate It If You Stopped Dropping Me from 2 Million Feet in the Sky

If you’re wondering, in the moment you wait for me to land in Street View, I howl through the mesosphere, engulfed in flame.

Weekly Humorist • 1st January 2021

Welcome to the Zuckerberg Mansion Audio Tour

To your right - Mr. Zuckerberg's Rage Room, containing the busts of ancient Greek philosophers, which, much like democracy, he destroyed.

Points in Case • 6th May 2020

Anthony Lane Reviews Life During COVID

The Current Cinema: The Zoom Call, Furloughed Guy, Papa John's No Contact Delivery & Blame Bill Gates

Points in Case • 1st December 2019

Quotes from Arthur Miller’s “Death of an Influencer”

"Pop, I have no platform! I have no platform, Pop! Can't you understand?"

Little Old Lady Comedy • 17th September 2019

Mom And Dad Give The Sex Talk At The Outback Steakhouse

Now, when a Sheila and a Bloke love each other…

Slackjaw • 15th September 2019

Everything I’m About To Tell You About My Craigslist Roommate Is True

He has a snake. He keeps a dead mouse in the freezer, for his snake. The snake has not eaten in three months. I have a cat.

Little Old Lady Comedy • 18th June 2019

My Grandma’s New Hexagon Quilt Just Dropped And The Embroidery Is Lit AF

After eighty-nine years, five kids, two C-sections, one kidney transplant, nine grandchildren, three great-granddaughters, and two titanium hips, Queen G has graced us with her boldest creation yet—just when the internet wasn’t looking.

Slackjaw • 4th June 2019

Make Epcot Great Again

My fellow Floridians...I'm here today as your Commander in Chief, wearing one of these wonderful MAGA Mouse Ear Hats, because it's time to put an end to the globalist World Showcase conspiracy.

Slackjaw • 27th May 2019

D.A.R.E. Teaches Hobbits to Say ‘No’ to Smoking Leaf

You’ve heard your friends talk about him before. He goes by many names: Mithrandir, Incánus, Tharkûn, the quote unquote “Grey Pilgrim,” the so-called “White Wizard.”

Slackjaw • 18th May 2019

Why We Decided to Have Hillary Go Mad First Lady and Burn the White House to the Ground in the Final Season of America

David Benioff: You know for a lot of fans, this comes as a really shocking moment in the West....uncharacteristic for our heroine.

Points in Case • 24th April 2019

How I Snowplowed My Utterly Unmagical Child’s Way into the Most Prestigious School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Making subterranean transfer of 75,000 galleons ($500,000) to Dumbledore’s secure Gringotts vault...

The Barcelona Review of Contemporary Fiction • 14th April 2019

The (Model UN) Security Council

A satire and tribute to DFW, on one of the web's first literary magazines, where he and Saunders, Bolano, Ben Marcus, Simon Rich and others published their fiction.

Points in Case • 25th January 2019

As Your Unpaid TSA Worker, I Will Be Confiscating a Lot More Than Your Liquids

I’ll be honest, we’re not going to give you back your shoes.

The Offing • 11th December 2017

Jesus and His Stepdad, Joe

My stepson, Jesus Christ, doesn’t like me. He knows I’m not his father. He tells me all the time. The other day, when I asked him to sweep the sawdust from the carpentry shop, he threw the broom to the floor and shouted, “You’re not my real dad. I’m the Son of God!”